Things that have let me down:

1. City Rail (aka “Shitty Rail”)
2. Weight loss patches
3. Applicator tampons
4. Every single Harry Potter movie
5. Valley Girl work-pants
6. Limp Bizkit
7. My childhood friend’s pledge to never ditch me for a boy
8. God
9. University
10. Three mobile
11. South Africa
12. The stray dog I took in and nursed back to health, who then attacked a family friend and had to be put down. Good one, Rocky.
13. Lindsay Lohan, although she is still totally fit and I want to sex her
14. L-shaped nose rings
15. Acupuncture
16. Nylon underwear
17. Flu shots
18. Hillsbus
19. LG
20. Ciaran Leahy of late night Hotel CBD fame. If you don’t know what Facebook is (“Face what?”) you are too old to date me. I wonder whether this will come up the next time he googles hisself, if he knows how to. I do not want to sex you.
21. Trellini’s
22. Canned corn (beetle included)
23. $4k worth of orthodontic work
24. Berocca
25. Fitness First
26. Recovery Magazine
27. My body
28. The St John’s Ambulance staff at Livid 2004. Thanks for leaving me unconscious on the ground while my 90-pound girlfriend dragged me out of the mosh.
29. Merrick & Rosso
30. Alanis Morissette
31. The heating in my ’89 Corolla
32. The seatbelts in my ’89 Corolla
33. The speakers in my ’89 Corolla
34. The clutch in my ’89 Corolla
35. My brother’s friend, “Donkey”, who was too fat and broke the driver’s seat of my ’89 Corolla
36. Hair removal cream
37. Proactiv
38. Everyone I’ve ever dated
39. Augusten Burroughs – I still love you though and I would sex you if you were not gay
40. ILS. Why does your second album suck so hard?
41. Excel
42. Psyllium husks
43. Limewire
44. Every recipe I have ever tried to follow
45. Daniel Johns – how could you get married to somebody who was not me? Let's sex.
46. E-Tax
47. My gag reflex...huh??
48. The Sex & The City film
49. Florence. Why are all the shops closed on Sunday? Some people are a $2,000 flight away and only have one day to spend in the city.
50. Yamaha
51. Johnson’s holiday skin. If that shit works, I’ll eat my own head.
52. Bar Bellino – what happened to your coffee??
53. Bleach
54. Jose Gonzales – remember what city your concert is at, champ.
55. Garlic
56. Palmer’s Cocoa Butter Scar Serum
57. 96.9
58. Sydney Community College
59. Stingoes
60. Nerves
61. Many, many cigarette lighters
62. The weather
63. Google desktop
64. Kimberley Boulton - pay for your own drugs next time
65. Ezibuy
66. My $30 alcohol breath tester
67. Spell check
68. Dr King
69. Caffeine
70. Broken guitar strings